Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize