What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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