You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Actions speak louder than pants.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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