you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
