So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I can't turn off my feet"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
