im drinking this country out of the recession.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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