I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
