I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
