he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
