After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
