i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
