Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
