a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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