Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
