He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
