Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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