I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
