So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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