would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
