so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
