just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
