I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
