I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
