Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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