My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
