dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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