We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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