ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
