He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
