Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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