Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
