All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
