Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
