Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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