we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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