it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
