Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
