what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize