She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
