can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
