I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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