I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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