I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
her vagine was all disorganized.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
