did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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