you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
