yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
