Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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