No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
