he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize