my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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