he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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