If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
