I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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