There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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