saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
