Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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