Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Holy shit dude........stairs
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
