i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
