I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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