You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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