a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
