well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
