so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
