Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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