oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I believe in your delicious
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
