You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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