He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
