hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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