I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
