He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
