Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Randomize
