4 words: hood of his car
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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