I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
well you can't waste a boner
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
