you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
