So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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