I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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