Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
