I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize