Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
