I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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