Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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