it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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