I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize