is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
