Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
