If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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