what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You are the jesus of drinking
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
