This dress was meant to end up on your floor
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
