Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You need Xanax blowdarts
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
