AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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