mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
