That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
