I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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