atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
