There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize