I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
