Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
