look no pants
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
