plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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