I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
