I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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