There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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