you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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