A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
