when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
