Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
